Networking sucks

At least to most people.

It feels fake, it’s awkward, and it often brings up feelings of inadequacy or anxiety.

One friend summed up these feelings as “networking feels entitled and uncomfortable, like asking a favor from a stranger because I need a job, it doesn’t fill me with self confidence”.

I agree.

Networking gets a bad rap because it is often talked about in such high standards as one of the most important things in professional development and career growth.

It seems that the majority of networking content on the internet is an uber successful person droning on about the life changing importance of networking while ignoring the emotional and practical ‘how to’ aspects of networking that matter to most people.

Three ideas helped me reconceptualize the idea of networking and made the whole subject less awkward, fake and cringy while making it into a genuine human experience with long term implications that I actually enjoy.

First – Focus less on myself and focus more on others. This is counterintuitive because typically people are told to network in order to get something for themselves, like a job or a reference. But networking isn’t only about getting a job it’s about people. Their needs, their hobbies, the countless little things that make them who they are. And the secret is, people like to talk about themselves and their interests. Be curious, be genuine and simply treat networking as a chance to make a new friend. Before you know it you will have several new acquaintances and a solid foundation to build on.

Second – Take a long term mindset to networking. Building a network starts with people, and building relationships with people doesn’t happen through a LinkedIn connect request, it takes a bit of time and effort. Take the time now to build connections, the benefits will come later.

Certainly there are examples where a new networking experience gained you or a friend a vital connection that leads to a job. Which is amazing, but I’d venture to say that is the exception not the rule.

Three – Show up to be a giver not a taker. The power of showing up is underrated. Just being present with a good attitude is half the work of making new friends (and other things in life). People will respond to your energy and vibe. In practice, this means going to that event, reaching out and inviting that person for coffee, etc. When you get to the event or the coffee, be the person that is there to contribute, to problem solve or to just be the person giving off good vibes.

At its root networking is about people. If you want to get away from the fakeness and awkwardness of networking then just remember to focus on others, take the long view on impact and show up with an attitude to have fun and learn something new.